Christmas Complications

Musings on Advent keep turning towards Yule and then Christmas.

This is partly because I LOVE Christmas – don’t get me wrong, I love all the seasons of the year in turn and enjoy lots of other festivals, however there is something about Yule that makes me all bright-eyed and sort of fizzy inside.

Unfortunately, in recent years, I have been through some experiences which really conflict with this magnificent sense of anticipation, causing upset and confusion.

After all, having your first child arrive 7 weeks early by emergency caesarean section to save both your lives on Christmas Eve, is going to put a bit of a brake on celebrations, wouldn't you say? Though listening to a choir singing carols outside your intensive care room, whilst you are doped to the gills on morphine, does help to brighten things a little!

Dealing with feelings and emotions after such an event (which we thankfully both survived) are made more difficult when others seem unable to comprehend your feelings of sadness/greyness postnatally. Telling me how lucky I am to have had an extra Christmas gift is unhelpful, given that I nearly wasn’t around to meet her and she might not have made it, either.

9 years on I have mostly regained my equilibrium, with maybe just a little weep close to/on her actual birthday.

Of course, I also had extreme feelings of joy and thankfulness at still being around and my tiny little girl having survived what is a pretty brutal birthing process – one minute all warm and snuggly, the next whipped out into the cold, bright light with nary a warning. Actually, I reckon she did better than me. Today she is a very active, thriving, happy, loving child whilst I am disabled and struggle with many day to day activities. BUT I AM HERE to enjoy sharing her life, so it’s all good :)

Then, a couple of years ago in mid-December, I was whipped into hospital by ambulance with excruciating stomach pains. It transpired that my appendix was unhappy with its present location and wished to be removed and, fortunately for me (or not, depending on your perspective) the NHS were happy to oblige it. Of course, this was the first time in December and June’s lives that we were due to travel down to spend Christmas with my parents in Cornwall.

Before the operation on the 17^th December, I asked the Registrar whether the appendicectomy would prevent me driving and he, rather reassuringly, told me I would be able to drive a couple of days afterwards.  So you can imagine my consternation when, after coming round from the operation, I was told I would not be allowed to drive for at least 7 days, with a preferred wait of 10 days before doing so.

Cutting a long story short, we travelled on the 22^nd December, stopping at Salisbury overnight to make the driving bearable for me (my husband is a non-driver) and arrived safely on the 23^rd December. We had a great family Christmas, helped by the fact that the 6 of us stayed in an hotel near to my parent's home, which took a lot of effort out of everything for all the adults.

To finish off 2012, after we had left my parents and whilst we were journeying home over the 29^th/30^th December, my Mother suffered a heart attack which my Father chose not to inform us of until we were too far away to easily travel back. Fortunately she survived and was able to return home from hospital early in the New Year, but it was a pretty poor end to the festivities for all concerned.

So many people have unhappy, life changing experiences at 'special' times of year and often feel unable to talk about them as many people can be quite dismissive - in a, 'But it's Christmas/Easter/your birthday', kind of way - meaning well, possibly feeling uncomfortable and maybe not wanting your sorrow to impact on their enjoyment.

It's good to talk about stuff that upsets or worries you, heck, it's vital for your well-being to lance the boil of grey sorrow that can build up to overwhelm you. 

If you don't have anyone to talk to, or feel that no-one around will listen, these people will:

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/#.VHzmOYusWDE

http://www.apni.org/

http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists

http://www.sada.org.uk/

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/counselling/pages/introduction.aspx