Today, 9 years ago, is the day that December should have been born (assuming her estimated date of delivery (EDD) had been calculated correctly). It's a funny date for me, because it isn't really an anniversary of an event that occurred - more of one that should have.
Unfortunately, my health rather got in the way of December's EDD and she was delivered by emergency caesarean section on the morning of Christmas Eve 2005 (something covered in more detail in my Christmas Complications post of 2/12/14).
I have never worked out why I'm mourning an event that never occurred, given that even though December arrived very early, she survived and is a healthy, happy, thriving child. It helps that one of the girls that I attended Antenatal Classes with had her first child, a boy, on the 10th February 2005 and that he is doing well, too.
Maybe what I'm mourning is more to do with the fact that my illness robbed me of experiencing a normal pregnancy and labour and, instead, delivered me a whole load of stress and worry. This was then compounded by how I was treated on the Post Natal ward by Midwives who didn't know what to do with an ill first time Mother whose baby was on the SCBU (Special Care Baby Unit).
Fortunately the Nurses on the SCBU were absolutely marvellous, very supportive and caring and ensured that both I and my darling little girl got through a very difficult time when I was forced to agree to be discharged home earlier than arranged and needed to travel in to hospital every day to see December, express breastmilk and, later, start breastfeeding.
The travel was made harder due to my not being allowed to drive (having had a caesarean section) and my DH being a non-driver. Taxis, trains and buses are difficult over Christmas and New Year at the best of times but really awful when you are exhausted and tender. I was saved from the worst by lovely friends who arranged lifts where possible (you really know who your friends are in times such as these).
The best news was that December was allowed home after just 2 weeks in hospital, which was a great way to start 2006.
Here is the link to a UK charity that provides advice and support to parents of babies who are born prematurely http://www.bliss.org.uk/
So glad that you and December came through it all safely. Both my mum and Aunt were born in December but expected in February. It must feel very strange for the mum when these dates roll around xx
ReplyDeleteThat's wonderful to know that they survived being so premature at a time when medical knowledge/treatment for early babies was very limited.
DeleteSometimes you have to grieve for things that might have been, especially when it is something beyond your control, so that you can appreciate better what you have in the present.
ReplyDeleteThank you x
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