Several years ago, when December was about 18 months old, I made contact with the leader of a nearby Parent & Toddler group to ask about when they met and if we could go along. The lady was very welcoming and explained how the group ran - the Mums all sat in one room having coffee whilst the children were in another room being looked after, 'by a nice lady we all like'. When I asked what activities the parents and children did together she appeared confused and explained to me how much the Mums enjoyed talking to each other.
When I asked if it would be alright for me to have December with me for at least some of the time, as I was still breastfeeding, she was surprised and explained that the other Mums probably wouldn't want a child in the room. I thanked her for the information and never joined them.
Fortunately for me several of my friends from antenatal class had a similar attitude, so we continued organising our own group meet ups and outings.
I had expected a Parent & Toddler group to be something akin to the Playschool that I attended with my Mother as a small child: a place where parents and children shared the same space so that children felt able to go and explore new surroundings, activities and playmates, secure in the knowledge that Mummy (or Daddy) was there, should they need them.
After this first foray into Parent & Toddler group research I discovered that nurseries and pre-schools seemed to have almost completely replaced the Playschools and Playgroups that I knew as a child, which made me very sad.
What had changed so much in 40 years that meant parents (usually Mothers) appeared to no longer be able (or want) to spend quality time with their young child(ren)?
As I looked into the changes in approach to child care more, I realised that the biggest change was in both peer and societal pressures and expectations on Mothers - expectation that one of the first thoughts a new Mother would have would be how soon they could return to work; pressure on a new Mother to accept the perceived low value of stay at home status versus perceived high value of working away from home; expectation that, of course, your tiny baby will be going to a nursery to be cared for by strangers; pressure to leave your young child before either of you are ready.
None of which was inspiring. None of which convinced me this would be the path to follow for my child.
I didn't have a child just to hand her over to strangers to rear. I wanted my child to learn about my values and ethos, to understand her place in our family. I wanted her to be confident, secure and settled.
Eventually, after much searching, I realised that once you and your child(ren) are too old for Mother & Baby groups there is little provision for groups where parents and children spend time together - certainly here in the UK.
So true. My E is getting to the age where he seems massive around the children at the groups we've been going for years!
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